Being a Working Mom
Tips for being a working mom and avoiding burnout
I could address the growing trend of working dads and their desire to avoid ‘daddy burnout’, but this piece will focus on mothers: Super-women who tend to take on more tasks as a means of pleasing their audience. Whether that be their family, friends, coworkers or employer. Women, specifically mothers, are constantly anticipating and making decisions (studies show we make 35,000 decisions daily). That is exhausting and can make you feel like you are drowning. This article will walk you through what burnout is, why it happens and how to avoid it.
Why does burnout happen…
If you’ve read any other articles on this website or listened to the Exceptional Admins podcast, you know mindset is a common theme. Why? Because having the right perspective brings forth greatness, which includes inner peace. When we do not have the right mindset, it can be challenging to be confident in our values. We need a solid set of values in order to be secure and not fold under pressure. If we allow the opinions of others or the need to fit in or belong to be our driving force, we will experience burnout every single time.
Women tend to be more nurturing, smarter (#wink), and better at organization. As a result of these traits (and many others), they naturally assume more demands. However, these superpowers can cause women to have mixed emotions about their marvelousness. Are these superpowers a gift or a curse? Common traits of superwomen put them in the state of altruism, i.e., “Do you need help?” or “I can handle that, let me do it.” I say often, embrace your greatness, never apologize, but…know when guardrails are necessary, so you protect your energy and not overextend yourself. It’s important to remember that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Finding balance and setting boundaries is imperative to avoiding burnout. So, if you often find yourself saying, ‘I’m so exhausted’, ‘I’m not a good mom’, ‘Is this all there is?’, you may be encountering mommy burnout. Here are the top 10 signs of mommy burnout:
Self Neglect
Irritability
Withdrawal
Stress
Head/Stomach Aches
Low Sex Drive
Sleeplessness
Anxiety
Resentment
Crying
Set expectations…
Boundaries can be hard for women because if they don’t know the expectation of their audience, i.e., that person who wants/needs something, the personal boundary they set for themselves may not be in alignment, therefore resulting in conflict. Women wish to avoid conflict at all costs as it is negative, tiresome, and makes more work for themselves. So, as a result, they often act as a peacemaker and take on the work because it’s easier to just “get’er” done vs. having a dark cloud hanging over them due to a conflict.
Using the words [Yes] or [No] at the right time is beneficial to establishing the right work-life harmony. Because I’ve worked very hard to know when a Yes or a No is suitable, I feel confident in having hard conversations to preserve my values and energy. Knowing your values and living them will aid in protecting your energy and mindset. So I ask, do you know (yet) where your guardrails are positioned or should go? My guardrails are set specifically for my circumstances, and they pivot often, so remember yours are special and designed by you alone (yes, even if you have kids).
Setting boundaries to avoid burnout…
Here’s a sample of how to set boundaries:
Joanna: “Sarah, I really need help with this budget for our upcoming budget meeting with the marketing team, can you help me?”
Sarah: “That’s next week. I’m almost done with the rebranding slides. I’ll look at my calendar and calculate how much longer I have on my deliverable. I’d like to get back to you later with a response on my availability, sounds good?”
Sarah didn’t say no, but she didn’t say yes. This open-ended response is setting the stage based on facts. Responding in this way expresses to Joanna:
1) you too have deliverables to finish (i.e., we are all working on this together, but independently)
2) you are going to see if you have time (i.e., I am a team player)
If you have time to assist, great. If you don’t have time, kindly share you’re without the extra time but you want your exec to know that you always like to help so please reach out in the future. #ISupportYou
Your energy and how you protect it will help you avoid a burnout phase. Many know that when you overextend yourself, your other priorities, i.e., mommy duties, stretch you to your max. Always put your oxygen mask on first and make sure to remember YOU!
Give yourself permission…
Allowing yourself some grace goes a very long way for your mental health and mindset. Always trying to fit in and “keep up with the Jones’” can cause depression, anxiety, and burnout, so try to remember that we are all evolving, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. Be a disruptor, a renegade [mom] and you will stay true to your values every single time. Choosing joy over judgment is the biggest favor you can do for yourself.
Let go of the “mommy guilt”. It is the biggest obstacle to being the parent you want to be. You have to make the hard decisions and be the bad guy sometimes but holding onto the guilt from whatever happened is not productive. We always have the opportunity to make it better and apologize if needed. We will never be that master parent, so it’s time to let it go and move on. “There’s no failing as a parent, only failings from the harsh expectations you put on yourself, relax, make a decision, and if it turns out to not be the best, change it.”- Jo Frost (Supernanny)
Compartmentalize yourself. You can’t be all things to all people at all times. (This is where learning how to use Yes and No comes into play) You must break yourself down into compartments/buckets, i.e., Family, Work, House, Marriage, Self, to keep it all going smoothly. There are times when certain things are more pressing than others. If you don’t learn how to prioritize and organize you'll drive yourself into the ground trying to get it all done simultaneously. Remember that YOU are your own compartment, and you need to take care of yourself too. Creating harmony and finding that sweet spot in the figure 8 of life is the key to balance.
For more inspiration on boundaries and balance, consider this podcast episode where my guest, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, and I talk about everything, Mommy Burnout.
Launch Pad:
1) Learn the proper timing of the words Yes and No and how to execute having a hard conversation.
2) Identify your life values to build realistic boundaries to protect your energy, time and mindset.
3) Give yourself the permission to be human. Turn mistakes into lessons, give yourself grace, and take care of one thing at a time, including YOU. Have a personal mantra, “This isn’t the end of the world, this too shall pass.”
“5 Ways to Avoid Dad Burnout.” Allprodad.com
“10 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries at Work.” Forbes.com
“The Exceptional Admins” podcast.
“Mommy Burnout,” Dr. Sheryl Ziegler