The Perfectionist Myth: Unlearning How You Operate to Learn Who You Are
The above screenshot is from a 7-day poll that ran on the EA LinkedIn business page. We wanted to know what percentage of you self-identify as a perfectionist and a whopping 56% voted yes! This outcome makes sense, as admin roles often require attention to detail, organization, and a high level of accuracy in completing tasks. The desire to meet or exceed expectations can drive individuals to adopt perfectionist tendencies.
In collaboration with Erika Shepard, CEO & Founder of Soul Glow Clinic, Exceptional Admins is looking to elevate our audience on the topic of personal matters. In this Q&A with Erika, she dives into how operating as a perfectionist can harm you vs. help you. Enjoy below our Q&A with her.
Perfectionist and Mental Health
HE: As a nurse practitioner/mind-body practitioner, how does perfectionism affect our mental and physical health?
Erika: The pattern of perfectionism activates the stress mechanisms in our body. The stress mechanism is good for short bursts, but not long-term activation, which once on the perfectionism hamster wheel, tends to happen. This pronounced stress affects everyone differently, however, it increases the incidence of both physical and mental health woes.
Closing Thought: Perfectionism induces the stress response in the body whether we want it to or not, and over time, it will take its toll if not regulated.
Perfectionist Myths
HE: What do you think is most misunderstood about perfectionism?
Erika: Perfectionism is a pattern and not an identity. So many of us (and myself formerly) identify as a “perfectionist.” However, attaching to this as an identity keeps us stuck in that space. If we are looking to break free from the hamster wheel of perfectionism, we need to break free from identifying as such. It’s simply a pattern that we learn early on.
Closing Thought: When we recognize it as a pattern versus an identity, we can start detaching from it.
Perfectionist Conflict
HE: What do you think the pattern of perfectionism serves?
Erika: Perfectionism isn’t hard work that matters; it’s working hard to matter. Perfectionism is a pattern that’s an internal hustle to prove our worth and it’s transactional and conditional. We set bars in our minds that are “I achieve X, I’m worthy of Y.” This pattern ultimately can sabotage our authenticity, creativity, and ability to connect to the passion in our work.
Closing Thought: Perfectionism is a pattern fueled by feelings (either conscious or subconscious) of shame and lack towards ourselves. It’s important to recognize this to take control of the pattern instead of the pattern controlling us.
Perfectionist Habits
HE: How do we recognize the pattern of perfectionism?
Erika: Perfectionism is better identified by how we FEEL when we don’t hit our impossibly high standards versus what we are doing.
When we fall short, perfectionism shows up as experiencing:
Shame (not good enough)
Anxiety
Judgment
Overcompensating
Rumination on how to be “more”
Depressed or defeated
Criticism (non-constructive)
Failure
Various physical symptoms in the body
Closing Thought: Perfectionism is working hard to matter, and if we fall short in the game, our body responds in such a way as if it has failed.
Overcoming Perfectionism
HE: How do we overcome this pattern and start to detach from the identity?
Erika: Repatterning from perfectionism to what I call whole-ism is a journey. When you’ve ingrained in your nervous system that you are enough as is, and work and create from that place, it’s an entirely different experience that creates an entirely different life.
Taking the journey to repattern perfectionism to whole-ism takes commitment and intention around being kind to yourself and supporting your nervous system with feedback that what you’re doing IS enough and that who you are, although there is room for growth and potential, is also good enough right now.
Closing Thought: If you dedicate your time and energy to repatterning the feedback you’re giving your nervous system, especially with your mindset towards yourself, you will start to build new pathways and patterns. What used to trigger you as “not enough” will become a neutral experience and opportunity where you feel love with yourself!
More than Perfectionism
HE: Perfectionism is only one layer of many hurdles, what other things do you talk about with your community that helps them?
Erika: Girl, so much! My community is built to be a container that empowers women to let go of what subconscious conditioning and patterning in their nervous system prevents them from being the most authentic version of themselves.
I discuss “Good Girl Patterning” and how that holds us down as women, and also how women can master their mind-body connection to get back into the driver’s seat of their life experience. It’s not about women doing more…we’ve done enough. It’s about being the most authentic, bright, explosive version of themselves (ALL of themselves, not just the pretty nice parts), and that’s what is going to take women to the level of wellness they’re craving.
Closing thought: The SoulGlow Clinic is a community where women come together for this to happen… supported, nurtured, seen, and heard. <3
Launch Pad:
Think about how you can soften your perfectionist nature. Hit play to this short p.s. episode.
Connect with your body when you’re ‘being a perfectionist’ to become in tune with how you feel.
Write a personal declaration that you want to work towards being a recovering perfectionist to save your health and well-being.